The winking gold on water
surfaces traces a message
that someone understands
intrinsically, perhaps the hawk
lazily floating past knows
tomorrow will be a good day
of hunting in the fields,
maybe the tern who veered
too far landward will turn again
to the sea and his mate
who has been watching for him
all day, still a lone swan seems
to answer best and effortlessly
moving as it does on the calm
face of the pond, leaving behind
his reply in elegant script.
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3 comments:
PB, this is pretty good. Quite a lot from a simple (but very nice) photo. I like the parallel here between writer (you) with your interpretation of the photo; your message, and the animals with their various interpretations; their messages. Good stuff.
It will be interesting to see how others interpret it.
I have to ask this…should it be surfaces, or surface?
“The winking gold on water
surfaces traces a message…”
Thanks,
-Steve
Nice, nice, nice. I like how the message goes through the whole poem and finally we have the swan "leaving behind his reply in elegant script." Very nice indeed. I think making it all one sentence, stretches it a bit, but no time to experiement with new ideas.
Thanks for the comments, Steves. :)
Not to treat you like bookends. Just being playful naturally.
Ak Steve, I wondered if anyone was going to notice that there's only one sentence here. LOL I should have guessed you'd be the one to see that. I was hoping the affect would be to mimic the meandering trail of the swan on the water or of the sunlight glinting across the water.
Good question about the word surfaces, Steve. Yep, I meant it. Maybe it doesn't work but I was thinking of the slightly broken surface of the lake that causes the light to do what it's doing in that picture. When the water isn't perfectly smooth, due to a breeze passing over or something, then it has the appearance of multiple surfaces and refracts the light as if it were multiple surfaces. Think about it. Heh Anyway, I'm not saying I'm right and you're wrong. The fact that it didn't pop into your mind (what I meant with the plural form of the word) suggests to me that my little idea doesn't work. Thanks very much guys.
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