Remember warm star sky bath,
that deep glass universe, streaming
over clouded perfume red,
embracing cold morning
with sweet magic laugh.
The soft sound of ocean soothes
sweeps through trees and
whispers every breath.
The night mourns
young missing angels
the saddened voices,
question every blaze.
windowed eyes look out
daring to dream
of light and life.
1 comment:
I'm not quite sure how I missed this one, Tiger. Sorry for the delay.
That opening is a nice collection of words but I can't quite get my loony mind around it. If it's surrealist and I presume that it is, I think it needs to be a touch more cohesive. I like the idea of a "warm star sky bath" very much and I liked "that deep glass universe" very much too. But even with surrealism, there is something that makes the unfamiliar hold together, also usually some key or other that allows the reader/viewer to see into the piece and perhaps even beyond the piece.
The soft sound of ocean soothes
sweeps through trees and
whispers every breath.
This is very nice too, nice sound to my ear, nice atmosphere, etc. Almost as if the ocean is a lover or a mother comforting someone, maybe the reader. I dunno, perhaps follow through somewhat on the bath imagery. Maybe it would help to visualize this piece as if it were a surrealist painting and then write it. Hopefully something here makes some sense. Thanks.
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